im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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