Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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