he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
