And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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