Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is wine microwaveable?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
