but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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