you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
