I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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