seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and she was petting her beer can
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
