Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
