I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
