Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
