I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
then he tried to convert me to islam
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
