sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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