there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
