Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
