I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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