I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
