So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
