he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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