genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can u get pink eye on your cock?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
