3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
