This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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