I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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