I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
