Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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