i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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