I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
