I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
