when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
