She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
