I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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