Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
