I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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