Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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