They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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