No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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