So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
