Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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