Your dad touched me again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
