So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
