yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
