Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
