Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
