So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
