your room smells of hookers.
And success
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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