is your mom at the bar?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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