Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
