he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
