He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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