Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
