brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
