You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
