I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
